So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
