I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
