Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
