I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
