I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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