drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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