Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
