someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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