i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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