the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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