When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize