I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
