i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
