i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize