i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
