It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
