after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
