We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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