You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
