you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
