They should really pass out barf bags in church
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she peed on how many people?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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