my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
