cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
