if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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