My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
our cab driver is having phone sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
