i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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