FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
