Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
