one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
