just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
