College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
