I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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