dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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