People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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