i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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