I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
