so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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