FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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