Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
God, I missed his penis.
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