I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize