thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
