the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
