Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
