You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize