i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
