dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
