I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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