All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
