what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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