If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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