Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
