she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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