does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
