i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
