Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can't special order awesome
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
