I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
