You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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