Screwed.edu
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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