it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
