Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You ate ashes out of my bong
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
