Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize