i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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