Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He passed out mid-signature
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
