cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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