I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
