I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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